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Crack Pairing Love
Because what's love without a little 'WTF'?
Bleach Drabble (41-45) 
7th-Jul-2005 09:43 pm
Dean Blows
This is my big thank you post to all the girls on the AX staff for letting me mooch off of them so badly this entire AX weekend. I'm kind of dumb, and this is the best I could do...hope you like it.

As for everyone else... some inside jokes here, but hopefully still fun either way? Aheh...yeah.

Title: Frat Buddies
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: Urahara, KyourakuxUkitake
Word Count: 745 (okay, so more like a ficlet, sue me…)
Warning/s: Stupidity, some Urahara and Soul Society spoilerage.
Summary: Kyouraku and Urahara are leik, Bros for life, yos.
Dedication: Lisa, for being my glorious drunken debauchery buddy of JOY during AX (and for letting me mooch). I <3 you!
A/N: Yes, we took lots of AX pictures with the two of us being drunk idiots together. IT WAS GLORIOUS. GLORIOUS I SAY!

Ukitake finds Kyouraku drinking alone in the commissary, cheeks flushed pink enough to indicate a strong buzz, but no debilitating inebriation as of yet. The eighth division captain is looking thoughtfully between the bottom of an empty sake bottle and the empty seat next to him, like he expects to hear Kisuke’s voice demanding a refill any second now.

Ukitake smiles ruefully to himself and thinks that their class is indeed infamous now, what with two of their contemporaries having to flee Soul Society for different reasons.

Aizen is freshly gone and Urahara is long since.

And on nights like these, Ukitake finds Kyouraku sitting by himself at the bar, looking thoughtful as he no doubt, reminisces about the fun times he and Urahara had, first as new shinigami and then as young captains, way back in the springtime of their careers.

The thirteenth division commander shakes his head at the memories that thought invokes, recalling all of the slurred, drunken songs he had found the two of them singing together in the dead of the night, sake flowing, bodies swaying, faces red. He remembers the first night that they’d celebrated becoming captains together, and how it was thanks to Kisuke that he found it in himself to confess to Shunsui. Urahara had laughed and slung an arm around Jyuushirou, murmuring to Shunsui about how pretty their classmate was, and how he wouldn’t mind sharing more than just warm sake with him. Kyouraku had gotten indignant at that, had pushed Kisuke’s arm off of Ukitake’s shoulder and said that good boys like his precious Jyuu-chan weren’t for the likes of drunkards like them.

And then they’d all laughed, Ukitake’s cheeks as pink as if he’d drunk as much as the other two. He’d been happy because of that then, happy to know that he was precious to Shunsui and happy enough to muster up the courage for a kiss later that evening as he’d half carried a sloshed Kyouraku home. He’d kissed him there in his room, right before the other man had passed out, falling asleep on top of Ukitake and not moving until late into the morning.

The next morning, they’d both awoken to a messenger from the twelfth division at their door, bearing a bottle of congratulatory wine and a note in Kisuke’s scrawl reading: “Congrats and about time.”

The bastard had always been too slippery, even for hangovers to catch.

Too slippery for anyone or anything to catch, apparently, because one day he was gone, the only thing left behind for Kyouraku being another one of those laughing notes of Kisuke’s, a quickly scratched out, “Going away. Take care of Jyuu, ya old dog,” and that was it.

Kyouraku had read it and lowered the brim of his hat to cover his eyes, smiling ruefully and chuckling to himself before crumpling the note and throwing it over his shoulder. “Geez, didn’t even invite me for one last drink,” the eighth division captain had complained, though he hadn’t looked one bit surprised.

Though Shunsui will never admit it, Ukitake knows that he misses the other man terribly, especially on nights like these when all he wants is a drink and a song with an old friend by his side. For a while, Ukitake tried to fulfill that role, but it was too difficult for both of them and in the end, rather disrespectful to Kisuke’s memory, so he’d stopped.

Because while Ukitake was Shunsui’s lover, he couldn’t be his best friend also. Because really, a person like Kyouraku could only have a person like Urahara fill that role, simply because Ukitake was certain that there was no way he could keep up with Shunsui’s mischief quite like Kisuke had been able to.

It’s a void in Shunsui’s life that no one has quite been able to fill.

And it’s on nights like these, when he comes to pick up Shunsui before he’s too drunk to walk by himself, that Ukitake remembers those nights a long time ago, the three of them together. He smiles at his red-cheeked lover and understands that there’s something gone from the other man’s life that he himself will never be able to fully understand. All Ukitake can do for Kyouraku is hope that maybe Kisuke will return out of the blue one day, smiling that smug-bastard smile of his, ready with sake dish in hand.

Then he and Kyouraku can drink together again, just like old times.


Title: Technical Difficulties
Rating: PG for some cussing
Pairing/Character/s: Renji, Shuuhei, Byakuya
Word Count: 455
Warning/s: OOC stupidity.
Summary: Renji and Hisagi get locked in.
Dedication: JaB and Shirong, because you two are funny. :P Also, thanks for letting me mooch at AX! <3
A/N: So yeah, this is actually inspired by a comic Shirong drew at AX, she being Shuuhei and JaB being Renji…ah the hijinks. I love you both. XD

“I’m tellin’ you senpai, it ain’t opening!”

Shuuhei looked incredulously at Abarai. “What?!”

“Like I said, it ain’t opening!” Renji repeated, throwing his shoulder forcibly against the stuck door again for emphasis. “Owww, dammit!”

Shuuhei gaped. “So you’re saying…”

“I’m sayin’ we’re stuck!!” the younger vice-captain bemoaned, shoving at the heavy door with all his might.

“Can’t we break it down?” Hisagi posed, a bit desperately.

“Ya think I didn’t try already?!” Renji exclaimed, indicating a hand with bloodied knuckles. “And I didn’t bring Zabimaru with me!”

“We’re gonna die,” Shuuhei murmured, sounding despondent. “Why’d you let it close, you idiot?!”

Renji glared back defensively, “Oi, you’re the one that wanted to find a snack, goddammit!”

“I told you to hold the door!!!”

“It’s dark!” Renji protested weakly. “And this ain’t my fault! You’re the one who got the munchies after the commissary closed!”

“Well if we’re gonna play poker with Iba and the guys later we can’t drink on an empty stomach! We get drunk and those guys will fleece us without looking back!” Hisagi complained, obviously convinced his argument was the rational one here.

Renji sighed. “Yeah well, now we won’t get any alcohol or any poker. Good job, senpai.”

“Ah, shut up.”

A few hours later and Abarai and Hisgai were roused from their sleep of despair in the pantry by the sound of the door joyously opening.

“Renji? Hisagi?”

Both vice-captains jumped up at the sound of that imperious voice. “Ah, Kuchiki-taichou, sir!”

Byakuya blinked in surprise at finding his vice-captain and the ninth division vice-captain sitting together in the cramped pantry this late in the night. “Did ah…you two come for snacks?” he posed, arching a brow.

“Uh…yeah, somethin’ like that,” Renji admitted, laughing sheepishly. “But uh…we got locked in.”

“Locked?” Byakuya frowned at them and stepped inside, closing the pantry door behind him.

“NO!!!!!!” Both vice-captains wailed, lunging feebly for the door.

“Sir, now we’re ALL…”

Untroubled, the sixth division captain very calmly pulled it open again.

“…stuck in here,” Renji finished lamely, looking dumbfounded.

Hisagi blinked at Kuchiki incredulously. “Sir? H-how did you uh…”

Byakuya sighed, shaking his head. “You have to pull. It won’t open if you push at it from the inside.”

“Pull? PULL?!” Shuuhei barely refrained from tackling Renji and strangling him to death, opting to glare at the sheepish redhead fiercely instead. “Renji…why didn’t you try that?”

“Uh…ahahahaha…my mistake…sorry ‘bout that, senpai! Guess I didn’t think to do that,” the younger shinigami laughed, nervously.

“I’m gonna kill you.”

“Before you do, Hisagi-fukutaichou, please pass me the box of senbei behind you.”

“Ah, sure, Kuchiki-taichou, sir.”

“Thank you.”

Shuuhei waited patiently until Byakuya exited the pantry, senbei in hand, before he snarled and tackled Renji.


Title: Pie
Rating: G
Pairing/Character/s: IchigoxRukia, Byakuya
Word Count: 436
Warning/s: OOC stupidity, spoilers for Soul Society arc.
Summary: The joys of the human world.
Dedication: Christine, because her drawing of Byakuya eating pie=TOO CUTE. Also, more thanks for letting me mooch at AX. ^^y
A/N: So we went to Coco’s one night during AX and everyone got dessert. Christine, our Byakuya, loved her pie, and drew a REALLY CUTE picture of chibi-Byakuya eating it. So…yeah.

Byakuya was unconvinced that Rukia’s many absences to go to the human world weren't due to the human world so much as the one human. Knowing an unhealthy attachment on his sister’s part when he saw one, he resolved to convince her that with her and Ichigo being literally, from two different worlds, it would never work.

She, being insufferably stubborn as she was, stated rather vehemently that it wasn’t just Ichigo that made her attached to the human world, insisting that there were things there that made the long trip very much worth it, whether she would have Ichigo or not.

Byakuya was convinced that she’d much rather have him than have not, but wisely kept the comment to himself as she tended to like being cross with him for days on end when he attempted to be smart-alecky with her love life, and the last thing he needed was for her to make another unscheduled stop to Karakura because her brother was picking on her and she needed the reprieve.

He personally didn’t want to be used as another excuse for her to run off to spend time with her loudmouthed idiot. As it was, she found plenty of excuses on her own just fine.

“Are you going again, Rukia?”

“Yes, nii-sama.”

He sighed. “Must you?”

She smiled a little. “Do you miss me when I’m gone?”

He frowned. “Don’t be coy, Rukia, and answer me straight, please.”

“Ichigo informed me last week that this week the bakery I like best is going to have a special sale on pies, so yes, I’ve got to go,” she responded easily.

Byakuya blinked. “Pie? What’s that?”

“One of those things, nii-sama, in the human world that makes it worth visiting often,” she told him, with a far away expression of bliss on her face.


“Yes, nii-sama.”

“It sounds unpalatable.”

“It’s really very good. Shall I bring back some for you?”

He tossed his hair and sat up straighter, imperious as ever. “Only if you really find it worthy of traveling between worlds, Rukia. I am still skeptical of there being something worth that much effort in the human world.”

“I’ll bring you back a slice, nii-sama.”

And she did.

The next time she made a trip to the human realm, he found an excuse to go with her.

And that day, Kuchiki Byakuya discovered that the look on Kurosaki Ichigo’s face when he saw the captain of Soul Society’s sixth division step through the his bedroom window after Rukia was another one of the things worth visiting the human realm for, second only to pie.


Title: Hair
Rating: PG
Pairing/Character/s: Ukitake
Word Count: 436
Warning/s: Spoilers for the Kaien storyline, OOCness.
Summary: Ukitake is beautiful.
A/N: Yeah, kind of dumb, but all of these have been kind of dumb, so there (yes, I’m using that as an excuse…:P)

“Ahh, Ukitake-taichou is so beautiful!”

“Such a handsome, gentle face!”

“Such long, wonderful hair!”

Those were the sorts of things Ukitake Jyuushirou often heard spoken about him by other shinigami, a multitude of compliments and awe-filled declarations that really, only served as proof that those who uttered such inanities didn’t know him at all.

They didn’t know how the beauty he was always praised for had often gotten him called insulting names in his youth, or how his handsome face had earned him offers from strange men in alleyways who held out candy and presents to him and always made him want to run off in the other direction as fast as his frail body would allow.

And they definitely didn’t know about how his hair looked like knotted rope in the mornings when he woke up or how it tended to get caught on things like trees or plants as well as clothing or jewelry. They didn’t know the indignities of having to stand patiently by for a half hour while someone (like a vice-captain) puzzled out the tangles his hair would get itself into around the branch of a cherry tree. They didn’t know about his indignant squawks when he was walking along and was suddenly yanked forcibly back by a strand that had managed to wind itself around some errant shrubbery or the yelp of pain he would emit whenever his hair would get caught in doors behind him. They didn’t know that he sometimes had to draw his zanpakutou at special angles so as not to slice off his own locks or how he had to toss his head frequently in order to get it out of his face in the heat of battle.

Half the time he was tempted to just chop it all off and be done with it. Shave his head bald and walk around like Madarame and never have to think about it again.

On windy autumn days like today, he wanted nothing more in the world than to take his zanpakutou and just…off with it all.

And he would have done it too, would have done it years ago, except that…

One day, off-handedly, a smiling Shiba Kaien had told him that he really liked taichou’s hair.

And so he didn’t cut it, half out of mourning for his lost subordinate and half out of some lingering inability to put his dead vice-captain to rest.

Thus, here he was, out in the cool fall weather, a captain of the fearsome Gotei-13 with… leaves stuck in his hair.

Ukitake hoped Kaien was happy, wherever he was.

The bastard.


Title: Scary Face
Rating: PG (slight, almost-not-there yuri)
Pairing/Character/s: YoruichixSoi Fong-ish
Word Count: 221
Warning/s: Short enough to be inconsequential, but some backstory for Yoruichi and Soi Fong if you haven’t gotten that far yet…
Summary: Soi Fong doesn’t take kindly to beauty tips.
Dedication: Kelly, who still managed to be cute as Soi at AX even though she’s a little bit scary. :P Also, thanks for letting me mooch. *thumbs up*
A/N: So this kind of stems from when we were at the Maya Sakamoto concert at AX and Kelly was policing the aisles like she was gonna knife the first bastard she saw with their cellphone out. It was cute. XD

Everyone suspected that the second division captain could very well be quite pretty if she smiled more.

And they would have told her as such too, if it hadn’t been for the fact that anyone who had done so in the past ended up staggering into the fourth division infirmary with some rather nasty thinks like sucking chest wounds or oozing lacerations all over his or her body.

And so they learned to let her stalk around Soul Society scowling like she was going to murder the next bastard that rounded the corner in front of her (which she probably was going to do anyway), and only whispered about her striking good looks when they were certain she couldn’t hear them.

The fact that she could glower so fiercely and still be that pretty was absolutely mystifying, after all. So mystifying in fact, that it began to be considered one of those home-grown types of legends, a Soul Society urban myth, so to speak.

The beautiful girl with the scary face.

It made Yoruichi laugh to herself and shake her head, all of it only serving to give her another reason to gloat.

She prided herself in being one of the very, very few people in all of existence who knew how truly beautiful Soi Fong could be when she smiled.


Minor edits on these, but I'm certain there's still something wrong, so if you find it, lemme know please?
(Deleted comment)
8th-Jul-2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
I kind of want to eat pie now myself... ;_;
8th-Jul-2005 05:06 am (UTC)

Liked them all.
8th-Jul-2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
I'm glad. ^^
8th-Jul-2005 05:18 am (UTC)
The pie one and Ukitake's HAIR. *DIES laughing* That and the pantry one...poor Renji.

How many of these are you doing? ^^;;
8th-Jul-2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
The funny thing is, the pantry one is based on a true story... *pats our cosplay Renji* XD

8th-Jul-2005 05:18 am (UTC)
your works kill me...omg poor renji...such a dork! and shunuki! ;_; ukitake IS pretty <3<3 *tosses u pies for Byaku loving* MUAH!
8th-Jul-2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
Renji is a giant idiot, I think that's part of the reason why I like him. ^^y

Yay, Pie!
9th-Jul-2005 12:06 am (UTC)
yus...all brawn and no brains *GRIN*
8th-Jul-2005 05:22 am (UTC)
And that day, Kuchiki Byakuya found that the look on Kurosaki Ichigo’s face when he saw the captain of Soul Society’s sixth division step through the his bedroom window after Rukia was another one of the things worth visiting the human realm for, second only to pie.

OMG I can actually picture Ichigo's 'WTF' expression right now. As always, wonderful ficlets - I love how you capture everyone's unique personalities.
8th-Jul-2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
Ichigo's reaction shots are some of my favorites, EVER. ^^y
8th-Jul-2005 05:28 am (UTC)
... Dear god... XDD It's one-thirty in the morning and I nearly split my head open on the desk from giggling so hard.
8th-Jul-2005 08:36 pm (UTC)
Ah, don't split your head, I'm sure that's dangerous! ^^ I wouldn't want to be responsible... aheh... XD
8th-Jul-2005 08:50 pm (UTC)
Ah, I'm sure it's not that important. ^^; Just brain matter. XD; We can always blame Starbucks for keeping me up.
8th-Jul-2005 05:54 am (UTC)
Love ShunUki one!! SO sweet! XD
8th-Jul-2005 08:37 pm (UTC)
I do need to write more of them...I'm surprised I don't find a lot of fic with them together. ^^;;
8th-Jul-2005 05:59 am (UTC)
Pie one, hair one, and Soi one = awesome. I LOVE the idea of Byakuya becoming enamoured of pie. And Ukitake is my special crush, so anything with him is crack for me, but I adore the idea that, in spite of all that trouble with his hair, he keeps it in honour of Kaien. Schweet.
8th-Jul-2005 08:46 pm (UTC)
Teehee man, I wish I could show Christine's uber cute picture of Byakuya, Ukitake, and Shunsui eating pie... totally inspirational. ^^ SO CUTE OMG (yeah, fanart does this to me... eheheheh).
8th-Jul-2005 06:23 am (UTC)
Love 3.14 :O
8th-Jul-2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
Ahahaha you confused the hell out of me for a second. ^^ *is retarded*
8th-Jul-2005 06:25 am (UTC)
lovely! all of them are so lovely~ i loved the ShunUki one so much~ and the hair one! hee hee. ^-^
8th-Jul-2005 08:41 pm (UTC)
Hehe ShunUki is pretty popular it seems...now where's the REST of the fic with them in it? *pout*
9th-Jul-2005 07:45 am (UTC)
i would write, but i can't, so i only draw.. and it's been a bit of a dry spell(drawing-wise) lately, so bleh. T^T
8th-Jul-2005 07:25 am (UTC)
the second one = SO MUCH LOVE :D

i was hoping for some smexin the closet ;__;
8th-Jul-2005 08:41 pm (UTC)
Hahaha unfortunately ShuuheixRenji isn't one of my supported pairings, but I do think them interacting would be lots of dumb fun. XD
8th-Jul-2005 10:33 pm (UTC)
Dumb fun indeed. Your second fic made me laugh out loud.
I like a dorky Renji XDXD

You should write more Shuuhei x Renji interactions!
8th-Jul-2005 07:37 am (UTC)
8th-Jul-2005 08:42 pm (UTC)
Mmmmmmmmm pie. <3
8th-Jul-2005 07:54 am (UTC)


*on crack*
8th-Jul-2005 08:42 pm (UTC)
*on crack too* Totally understand. *thumbs up*
8th-Jul-2005 08:21 am (UTC)
mmmm .... pie.... XD
8th-Jul-2005 08:42 pm (UTC)
8th-Jul-2005 06:41 pm (UTC)

I think Byakuya would prolly address us by our last names, though.

Effing door. T^T
8th-Jul-2005 08:43 pm (UTC)
Ahahahaha I <3 you JaB.

And for the record, Byakuya does call Renji, Renji. So I made him call Shuuhei by the last name only. ^^;;

The door pwned you. :P
9th-Jul-2005 05:24 am (UTC)
8th-Jul-2005 06:53 pm (UTC)
*hangs head* I did something like the pantry one before...>_>

These were all great! (as usual) And I love Ukitake to death, and your Ukitake/Shunsui was just awesome. And hair issues...*sigh* that's exactly why I chopped all mine off. ^^
8th-Jul-2005 08:43 pm (UTC)
Yeah, our Ukitake cosplayer HATED her wig and so I had to do something in tribute because I thought her complaints were kind of funny. ^^
8th-Jul-2005 08:47 pm (UTC)
I bitched muchly about my hair when it was long...come to think of it, I still bitch about my hair now. XD My best friend finds it amusing.
9th-Jul-2005 06:19 am (UTC)
10th-Jul-2005 08:15 am (UTC)
You just like gloating. :P
11th-Jul-2005 05:16 am (UTC)
so~? >=}
11th-Jul-2005 05:32 am (UTC)
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, I was just pointing it OUT. :P
9th-Jul-2005 09:53 am (UTC)

Pie! I love Pies! I'm glad that Byakuya got corrupted into pies~ XD

Long Hair is troublesome, alright. *nods*

And last but not least, Renji can be such an idiot sometimes. Yay. ^^
10th-Jul-2005 08:15 am (UTC)
Mmmm...pie sounds REALLY GOOD RIGHT NOW.

Obviously I am in my apartment starving. ^^;;
10th-Jul-2005 07:52 am (UTC)
mmmmmmmm...alcohol.... ^_^
10th-Jul-2005 08:15 am (UTC)
Drunken happy sex sequence of JOY? XD
1st-Dec-2006 07:31 am (UTC)
Almost died laughing reading about Ukitake's hair. I know just how he feels. I had my hair down to my knees once. I bent over to look at a book on a lower shelf at the bookstore and someone stepped on my hair. I was too embarrassed to tell him to get off it so I was stuck there for 5 minutes until he moved away. And yes, it got stuck on doorknobs, sucked into fans, attracted chewing gum and wet paint, etc etc. Oh lord! I'm going back to re-read your story ...
3rd-Jan-2007 04:25 pm (UTC)
Oh god I love you.
XD *dies*
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